Where We Focus Attention Matters, in EMDR Therapy and in Life
The subject of attention recently caught my… interest.
To cope with what’s happening on a national level, I found myself ignoring the news. For an entire month, I managed to keep most of it from my awareness
Was I avoiding something? Sure.
Was that unhealthy?
I may have just been exercising my attentional power.
What we focus our attention on can make a huge difference. In this post we’ll explore how this can benefit your mental health, improve your relationships, and optimize EMDR therapy.
Using attention to access positive stimuli
In a famous psychological experiment, college students were instructed to watch a basketball game and count the number of times one team passed the ball. A woman in a gorilla suit walked into the frame, thumped her chest, then walked away. Most students were able to accurately count the number of passes, but 50% of study participants failed to see the gorilla. Eye tracking showed that the majority of those looking at the gorilla were looking right at where the gorilla was present. The classic study (Simons & Chabris, 1999) has been replicated several times since then.
This illustrated the notion of inattentional blindness. Simply put, we’re blind to anything that we’re not paying attention to.
In an episode of the Happiness Lab podcast entitled “Dial D for Distracted,” Dr. Brian School at Yale University put it this way: “Our window on the world is only that which we attend to.”
What does this mean for you?
Let’s say you’re walking down the street in San Francisco. There are things that are literally right in front of you that we commonly miss: The green of the trees. The bright blue sky. The warmth of the sun on your face. The fanciful contours of a building. The sweet sense of a nearby bakery. The broad smile on a stranger’s face.
At home, there’s the taste of whatever you’re eating, the softness of a comfy chair, that loving look that your dog is giving you, etc. You get the idea.
Any of these might bring but a small sliver of joy or fulfillment. Of course they won’t change your life. But they add up, and might improve how you feel - your mood, your outlook. If the world at large seems chaotic or troubling, why not bring yourself a good feeling, even if it’s brief?
But first you have to direct your attention towards it. Otherwise, it might as well be invisible, drowned out by our phones, our worries, thoughts about things we have to do, etc.
Using attention to make future positive feelings more likely
So, about that joy or fulfillment that you can bring yourself with purposeful attention… what if you could make it more likely to happen in the future?
Thankfully, there’s a practice for that.
Dr. Rick Hanson, author of “Hardwiring Happiness,” notes that happy experiences run through the brain like water through a sieve. He describes “taking in the good.” By focusing your attention on a positive experience for 20-30 seconds, you can encode neural pathways associated with that experience. For instance, as Dr. Hanson explains, “Pay close attention to the rewarding aspects of the experience—for example, how good it feels to get lost in a conversation with a friend or loved one.
As long as it’s emotionally resonant, the longer you’re devoting purposeful attention to it, the more likely those neurons will fire together.
In the future, when a similar experience arises (e.g. a conversation with a friend or loved one), because of the existing neural pathways, you’re better able to access that same feeling (joy, connection) from that subsequent experience.
Using attention to “tame” strong feelings
When we put words to something we’re feeling, it brings ease.
Dr. Dan Siegel, clinical professor of psychiatry at UCLA School of Medicine, coined the phrase “name it to tame it.” He explains that labeling what we’re feeling actually sends a soothing neurotransmitter from the left brain to the right brain. It actually feels good!
In order to make this happen, we must first give even a split second of attention to the feeling.
Using attention to perform well at work
In work presentations
When giving a presentation at work, you might notice a sense of panic. What to do with it may come as a surprise.
In a previous blog post on ironic processes, we explored how the intention to not think about something activates that part of your brain that’s monitoring whether you’re thinking about it. “Don’t think of the white bear” puts that white bear front and center in our mind.
In other words, trying not to think about the feeling of panic may actually accentuate it.
If we acknowledge and “accept” the part of us that feels panicky, bringing it along for the ride, it’s less likely to get stronger. Instead of ignoring it, we’re giving it some attention, ever so slightly. As weird as this sounds, you’re in effect saying to it, “I’m okay that you’re here,” and it’s then replying, “Ok, I got some attention, now I’m good.”
In trying to get work done
Say you’ve started your work day, and you’ve got every intention to dive in and be productive.
According to research in cognitive neuroscience, our brain is able to hold only a few thoughts in conscious awareness at one time (Miller & Buschman, 2015).
You intend for these to be thoughts about work, but you’ve got distractions aplenty:
External stimuli:
Your phone (come on, you can’t be surprised that this is mentioned first!).
Sights
Example: Many open browser windows.
Example: Clutter on your actual desk.
Sounds
Example: The ping of a Slack notification.
Example: Noises that fluctuate (air conditioning, an ambulance siren, etc.).
Internal stimuli:
Thoughts
Example: Deciding what you want to have for lunch.
Example: Replaying a tense conversation with a friend or significant other.
Feelings
Example: Frustration about national news.
Example: Worry about whether your job is safe.
Physical sensations
Example: A sense of tiredness in your body.
Example: A hungry feeling, only an hour after a meal.
Add in the well-documented fact that our attention spans have shortened. One study from 2016 showed that the average time we spend looking at one computer screen had decreased from 2.5 minutes to 47 seconds in the two preceding decades (Marks et al., 2016).
Working with “parts”
We might think of the internal stimuli as “parts” of us. This may sound strange, but it’s been theorized that the brain is characterized by multiplicity, with internal entities that function independently, each with their own thoughts, feelings, beliefs, intentions, etc.
To work with a part, we deliberately focus our attention on however we notice it. It could be an image that we see in our mind, or a projected thought that we’re aware of. Or we may hear a thought, a part telling us something. Or it may show up through a body sensation.
However it manifests, this is a specific form of attention, somewhat similar to meditation, where we’re listening inside.
Using two examples from above:
If a part is replaying that tense conversation with a friend or significant other, greet it. Acknowledge it. And validate why it showed up. Again, of course this is corny, but you might think to yourself, “Ah, you’re concerned about whether we’re going to resolve this… I get it.”
To the part that’s worried about whether your job is safe, validate why it reminded you of that. “You want me to be doing everything I can to not be laid off… thanks for that.”
What’s the point of focusing on a part and validating it? It then feels seen and heard - the same effect as “name it to tame it.” This thing within us (a thought, a feeling, a sensation) now doesn’t have to scream so loud to get our attention, and that feels relieving.
As a result, the part releases some of its grip, giving us more space, allowing us to be more deliberate in what we focus on. Maybe that frees you up to focus on that work you’re trying to get done!
Using attention to be guided by a feeling
What if you name, focus on and validate a part, but the feeling intensifies?
There must be a good reason for that… it must really be trying to tell you something. In other words, we can be guided by our emotions, body sensations, inclinations, etc., and it requires more purposeful attention.
You might:
Accept it. Of course there are times when you’d rather push away the feeling (e.g. you’re trying to concentrate at work, or trying to get to sleep). But rather than fighting with it, try making peace with the fact that it’s there. “Okay, I’ve got some anxiety right now.”
Welcome it. Other parts may be annoyed that the feeling is there (e.g. a part saying “Go away… I need to get some work done!”), and that’s okay. But see if you can welcome it regardless.
Interview it. Act as if you’re a reporter, and the assignment is to find out more. How did this feeling come to be? Where in your body is it showing up? How strong is it?
See what it wants you to know. I know this sounds bonkers, but you might literally ask that part of you that’s feeling worried, “You must be here for a good reason… tell me more.” That often leads to more information.
Do something about it.
If the part is expressing itself through shorter, shallower breathing, tension in your body or rapid heartbeat, you may need self-soothing; one way is by taking a deep, purposeful breath. More ways to do that here.
Perhaps the feeling leads you to take action, to get your needs met. You might do this by making a request of someone (“Could I ask for 10 minutes of your time to hear me out?”), stating what you need (“I’m stressed from a long work day… could I take about 20 minutes and then hang with you?”), letting them know how they’ve impacted you (“When you said that, it really upset me”), or setting a boundary (“If you talk about that again, I’m going to end the conversation”).
What if you do none of this?
What’s the alternative? In other words, when there’s zero attention given to how you’re feeling, but it sits in the background?
It then hijacks you, taking you over, outside of your awareness. You might then act out, without consideration or calibration. You might then say or do something that could damage an important relationship.
Clients commonly describe that hijacking moment in a few ways:
“This angry feeling just took over me, and I lost it.”
“I couldn’t get any work done today. I think that in the back of my mind, I’m really worried about layoffs.”
“I let people walk all over me. I know they’re taking advantage, but I don’t do anything about it.”
“When I got home to my wife, I kinda did my own thing. I wasn’t present, and hardly heard her when she talked about her day. I must’ve been stressed out from work.”
Using attention to build relationships
We all get distracted by thoughts.
We all become absorbed by tiredness, stress, worry, hunger, daydreams, planning, etc.
But in the presence of someone you care about, your attention is a valuable commodity.
From birth we’re wired to seek out attunement from key attachment figures… the key people whom we innately regard as sources of comfort, security and protection.
So in the brain of your significant other, your close family member, or your best friend is an “attachment behavioral system” that instinctively looks to you. As David Wallin explained in his book Attachment in Psychotherapy, “Throughout our lives we are prone to monitor the physical and emotional whereabouts - the accessibility and responsiveness - of those to whom we are most attached.”
What are they looking to you for?
They want to see that you’re capturing how they feel.
That’s it, plain and simple.
That may sound like a lot of pressure on you; after all, we’ve all got our own stuff going on. But with some attentional prowess, you can give them what they’re wired to expect, and maintain or deepen these important relationships.
When you’re with a loved one, see if you can tune into emotion, even if it’s uncomfortable or inconvenient. Treat it as if you’re tuned into a specific frequency or channel.
If they’re in distress of any type, they want you to a) notice; b) show that you care.
If they’re feeling good, they want you to see that too.
How can you do this? Just reflect back whatever emotion you think you’re picking up.
Some examples:
“Hey, is something wrong? I’m sensing something’s off.”
“It looks like you may be upset with me.”
“Wow, I haven’t seen you smile that big in a while.”
You might follow that with offering to talk about it, validating it, empathizing with it, etc. But the simple noticing goes a long way. It shows that you’ve expended the energy to pay attention to how they’re doing, and it’s usually relieving for them to hear.
Using attention to resource yourself in EMDR therapy
In previous posts, we explored how bits and pieces of traumatic memories become embedded in the right brain in fragmented form, in its own neural network that’s unlinked from the adult self. We might think of it as faulty coding.
An example is a child who fears the outbursts of an angry period, and is subject to that for months or years. What are those fragments? For instance, the angry look on the parent’s face, the booming voice, the place where it happened, the sensation of a pounding heart, and belief that “I’m not safe.”
Without that series of events being adequately processed, that child will become an adult whose brain looks for evidence of the danger they once faced. For example, the belief that “I’m not safe.” The brain won’t attend to neutral or positive stimuli that might suggest otherwise.
That attention to trauma-related stimuli is one reason we use “resourcing” in EMDR therapy. Resourcing involves creating (or accessing) other parts of the brain that serve as the antidote - neural pathways associated with what you needed at the time of the trauma but didn’t have.
In identifying resources, we use whatever the brain associates with that badly-needed quality or feeling. If what you needed back then was safety or protection, what would provide that feeling? Maybe it’s a metaphorical shield, a dragon, a warrior, a fortress, etc.
As we use resourcing to prepare for the reprocessing stage of EMDR, we “give” the part of you that experienced trauma that safety or protection, allowing the brain to experience those qualities that it needed but didn’t have at the time.
This requires focusing on the resource, and paying attention to the feeling you get from it, even focusing on how it feels in the body. We utilize bilateral stimulation (via “tappers” that you hold and they buzz alternatingly) to “install” the neural pathways associated with the resource.
This form of attention is a bit different from what we’re used to, but it commonly brings relief, and sets the client up well for the reprocessing stage of EMDR.
Using attention in the “reprocessing” stage of EMDR
In a typical EMDR session, the client identifies the image, emotion, body sensation, and belief associated with the traumatic memory. The therapist then instructs the client to take all of that together and let it go wherever it goes, without censoring it (much more on a typical EMDR session here). This is paired with that bilateral stimulation (the “tappers” are one form).
The client then focuses inside, noticing what’s coming up, as thoughts, sensations, and images go by. It’s as if you’re tuning into specific TV channels at the same time, allowing the feed to come through.
It’s been compared to a river flowing towards the ocean. The brain naturally wants to heal from trauma, and the EMDR therapist’s job is to help unblock that free flow.
The client lets their awareness lightly track or follow that flow. No need to direct it in any way and no need to figure it out. It’s a specific form of attention, which EMDR clients usually pick up rather easily.
Using attention in working with “parts” during EMDR
What might temporarily block that river from flowing towards the ocean? “Parts” of us that have good intentions, and think they need to help. For instance, we may wonder whether this EMDR thing will really work. A thought pops up, “How will my therapist feel if this doesn’t work?” We notice a drive to be really good at this. Another thought arises, “How do I know when things are changing?”
Or an analytical part might be trying to help by aiming to “figure it out.” That part might offer the reason why it thinks a specific memory is coming up.
Working with these parts optimizes EMDR.
Because they’re happening anyway, might as well give them some attention, hearing what they have to say and validating how they’re feeling. For instance, the one that’s wanting to “be really good at EMDR” is usually relieved to hear that this makes sense, that we appreciate that it’s trying to help you make progress, but that its efforts aren’t necessary, so it doesn’t have to work so hard.
When the parts don’t feel seen, welcomed or validated, they’ll understandably keep doing their thing, which might block that flow of images, emotions and body sensations that the EMDR client is supposed to focus on.
As noted above, working with parts may feel different at first. Most of us are not used to “listening inside,” instead of allowing our attention to be on thoughts, logic, analysis. But it really helps the client sail through EMDR.
Takeaway
So what’s the takeaway?
While it sounds woo-woo, training your brain to deliberately focus on something specific can yield benefits.
And every time you do so, it’s like building a mental muscle, strengthening the neural pathways, making it easier to access that same skill in the future.
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Andrew Kushnick is a Certified EMDR therapist who primarily works with clients in the San Francisco Bay Area, and was trained by the Parnell Institute in EMDR and Attachment-Focused EMDR. As a former practicing attorney, Andrew’s approach is practical and concrete, using science-based and evidence-based methods. Video appointments are available during afternoons and evenings. To schedule a complimentary 15-minute phone consultation, email andrew@andrewkushnick.com.
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REFERENCES
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Hanson, R., Shapiro, S., Hutton-Thamm, E., Hagerty, M. R., & Sullivan, K. P. (2021). Learning to learn from positive experiences. The Journal of Positive Psychology, 18(1), 142–153.
Mark, Gloria & Iqbal, Shamsi & Czerwinski, Mary & Johns, Paul & Sano, Akane. (2016). Neurotics Can't Focus: An in situ Study of Online Multitasking in the Workplace. 1739-1744. 10.1145/2858036.2858202.
Miller, Earl K., and Timothy J. Buschman. “Working Memory Capacity: Limits on the Bandwidth of Cognition.” Daedalus 144, no. 1 (January 2015): 112–122. © 2015 American Academy of Arts & Sciences
Schwartz R. (1995). Internal Family Systems Therapy. New York, NY: The Guilford Press.
Simons DJ, Chabris CF. Gorillas in our midst: sustained inattentional blindness for dynamic events. Perception. 1999;28(9):1059-74. doi: 10.1068/p281059. PMID: 10694957.
Wallin, D (2015). Attachment in Psychotherapy. New York, NY: The Guilford Press.